(picture of finished tombstone as of 8/20/13)
My name is Victoria and this is my story.
I have read in the Bible, how Hannah was so upset, the Priest believed that she had been drinking.
I also have read of many women who have full-term baby losses, and I can not imagine.
But I also know what I have come through, I had also stated that I would never make it through "if it was me". After 13-14 months of "taking it serious" ttc, we found out that we were expecting 6/28/12. We would name this baby, Harper. Harper's heartbeat was not where they wanted it and Harper was also not as big as they wanted either. At 11 weeks & 5 days, I started to miscarry on 8/15/12. After 2 long days, mostly in the bathroom, constantly changing adult diapers. We found out that I was low on fluid and still not thinned out hardly at all. We had to do a dnc procedure. This baby had our heart but we would not even be able to get the normal closure that you would want with any death. We were hurting but knew that it would take us awhile more than likely so we starting trying as soon as we could, in Sept.
(this is the sonogram of Harper-9wk. womb but baby measuring 7wks)
After the dreadful holidays and still no child. I was beginning to truly give up, It was wearing on us both but especially me. I was tired of numbers, meds, calendars, days, schedules, tests (of any kind). I was simply exhausted. I deeply missed Harper and I never knew how I was ever going to quit crying. 03/13 was so hard for me. I guess that I was going through Harpers due date 03/09/13, then Mothers day was on the rise. The store were already getting the cards out for that, and I was just sick. I wanted to stand up at church with the Mothers, but in reality I had no children here. 04/02/13, I took a test, as habit that morning, it was immediately positive. We started progesterone ASAP, which was the problem with Harper. It was scary, but we were so excited. The nurses were always amazed at how active and fast this baby was. We got past 13 wks and thought maybe we made it....we made it to 15wks & 5 days. That morning was Sunday, I passed out our Gender reveal invites at the church. After church, I was going to meet a friend, Ashley, who helps with sonograms. She thought she could make me a dvd for the ones who couldn't make any doc appts.After about an hour, our baby never moved. The heart cavity never showed activity. Something was wrong. After calling my doctor and getting to the hospital, it was confirmed that the baby was gone. He was no longer attached. Our doctor said we would have to deliver and our hearts just broke..again.This was on 6/23/13, and I was induced until 6/26 at 3:15am. Micah Wade was born. He had my cheekbones! We loved him so much. Later I had a dnc for the placenta. They kept saying take all the time you need, but theres not enough time in my lifetime, to feel better about letting go of my child. We had a burial service the next day. We found out this week, a clotting disorder caused the second loss. I pray that one day, if the Lord wills, I will be able to give my husband the child he yearns for and more so since holding Micah. My heart still hurts and I still miss my babies though, I would never wish them back here compared to where they are now. I said I wouldn't bear a loss, I then said I would never live past a 2nd loss, and now all I can say is "where he leads me still I will follow..no turning back, no turning back".
Micahs birth
His hands and feet
Lots of prayer ..days of visitors waiting on his arrival
The last time I held Micah
My name is Victoria and this is my story.
"Tis' grace has brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."
